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Thursday, January 12, 2012

So, I finally bought jeans that fit my rear end. There's just one problem...

Can we talk candidly for a moment? My dear mother blessed my sister and me (sorry to bring you into this, sis) with bountiful curves. Female friends have confided to me, "{dreamy sigh}...I wish I had your curves," at which point I usually slap them across the face, and scream, "Pull yourself together, man!"

Ok, I may have embellished that slightly. The reaction is generally the same when they say, "I wish I had your curly hair." 

The point is, there is a level of responsibility and sacrifice that comes with my curves (and my curly hair). You have to know what you're getting yourself into. And I'm going to tell you. Today. Now. Are you ready?

Generally speaking, jean-buying is challenging because my waist and legs are one size and my tushy-area is a, um, larger size. I'm not Kardashian-caliber, but you get the picture. 

A couple of years ago, I found the PERFECT JEANS. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. They slim down the thighs, hug you in the right places, and whisper to you throughout the day that everything is going to be ok. They were the Express Mia Ultra Skinny jean, and I loved them. They fit from the top to the bottom, all day long. 

About two years later, we bought Brian a Toyota Tundra. It was a day like any other day... and whilst hoisting myself into the passenger seat of his Tundra, I heard the WORST sound in the whole wide world: the banshee scream of the crotch area of my beloved jeans RIPPING apart.

I'll admit, I cried. There's no coming back from a crotch rip. It's pretty much the big curtain call for jeans - the big sleep, if you will. You can't play that off like "oh my jeans are just more hard-core now" or "I paid for this artful rip to be there, so respect it." Nope. Crotchless jeans are never ok (I repeat, NEVER).  

And so, my backup and second-tier jeans were all temporarily promoted until I could replace my favorite (sniff) jeans. 

Naturally, Express no longer carried jeans in that make and model, so I was forced to hit up eBay and found a lightly worn identical replacement. Now, another two years later, I fear my replacement jeans are headed for the same fate. When I wear them, I'm uber careful. I've mastered the art of climbing into vehicles with straight legs. I make no sudden movements. But alas, I can see the writing on the wall...and no suitable successor can be found on eBay.

So, I went crazy and bought jeans at Target for $25 (boo yah). And I REALLY like them. Aren't they cute? They fit my legs and rear end quite well and are super comfortable. Where have these been my whole life?

Photo courtesy of Dan Spicer (http://www.btpphotography.com)
There's just one problem....the waist is so large I'm strongly considering investing in a pair of checkered suspenders. 


So, now that all of the back story is out of the way, today, I'm going to share with you how I spent about 15 minutes adding a second jean button without any fancy tools.

The jeans pictured below are NOT my new Target jeans. These are what I like to call my "denial-jeans." Denial-jeans are that pair of jeans everyone has that they truly believe "I'll fit in these again someday, I just know it. As sure as the day is long, I will fit in these!"

Well....I actually WORE my denial-jeans recently. And I'm happy to say I'm no longer in denial. The jeans were right. I was wrong. These jeans weren't "low-rise" when I bought them, but when I wore them last month, it was like trying to squish a king-size pillow into a standard pillow case. My rear end probably thought it was being kidnapped. I thought maybe the jeans just needed more time for that freshly-washed tightness to stretch away so I stubbornly forged ahead. I wore a long-ish dress over them, but I still confessed my poor clothing choice to a friend after my entire butt almost fell out them two hours into the day. Once she stopped laughing, she agreed to keep an eye on my backside for the remainder of the day (thanks Michelle!)


So, suffice it so say, I am confident I will NEVER wear these jeans again. And, I'm totally fine with that...because I needed my denial-jean's button. Because I'm Frankenstein-y like that.


(taking a detour) When I turned around after snapping pictures of my denial-jeans, I was face to face with this:




...such a clown. :) I love that dog.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Here's what you'll need:

  • The jeans you love
  • One pair of denial-jeans of similar color to the jeans you love
  • Sewing needle 
  • Blue or black thread (or whatever color matches your jeans)
  • Sharp scissors

Cut the button out of your denial-jeans. We'll call this step "closure."


Mark where you want the new button to go on the jeans you love.


Trim the edges around the denial-jeans button a bit, and sew the button onto the jeans you love. Don't skimp here. This is going to be holding up your pants, so double or triple up your stitch. Trim off any additional loose threads and edges.


Congratulations! You now have a second button! And the best part is, you could always revert back to your first button if you wanted...like maybe after Thanksgiving dinner? Think about it...


I test drove my new button yesterday and am THRILLED with the results. 

Cheers!   

PS. I am participating in these link parties:

 Weekend Bloggy Reading


Home Stories A2Z


Manic Mother

10 comments:

  1. well isn't this genius! Now I need to head to Target and find me some cute jeans. I don't have your curves, but I love a great jean!
    abby

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    1. Abby, you will love them! They are so comfortable and they stay "fitted" throughout the day, which is my favorite part. It drives me crazy when jeans get stretched out after a few hours of wearing. And now that the button is in the right place, I love them even more. ;)

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  2. Thanks for the shout out! I was laughing so hard I almost cried. I'm glad you were able to find a suitable replacement.

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  3. I am also blessed with a behind so this will come in very handy. Great blog and adorable dog too!

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    1. Thank you Anna! :) I've just read the first few sentences of your Thrift Store Failure post on your blog and am already hooked! I can totally relate!!

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  4. While this post is genius and so are you, can I just say how much I love your sense of humor! Reading your blog always puts a smile on my face. I can also relate to slapping people upside the head when they mention their want for something you have...the grass isn't always greener on the other side! Great post!

    Jen

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  5. I came over from Burlap & Denim's Linky Party for your Vinegar Hair Rinse (very nice!) & stayed awhile to peruse your blog. So glad I did! This is going in my top 10 favorite blog posts. So very funny! I'm sitting here just cracking up. And I love, love your dog. I have an 85 pound American Bulldog girl named Kai, so I can so relate. (My nephew dog is a Boxer named Vegas.) I am now a "follower". Thanks for sharing your sense of humor & some very cool tips!

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    1. Thank you so much, Brenda!! You just absolutely made my day! :)

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